你的冠状病毒测试

I will be your nurse for the day and will take care of you from now on. According to the tests that we've made, you are negative, which means you're coronavirus-free. You can see I'm not wearing a protection mask, so you are safe! However, since you're experiencing these weird symptoms, I will have to run a couple of other tests on you to see what's wrong. It might have something to do with the lack of masturbation in your life. But it might also have something to do with a certain very useful gas that I'm gonna make you inhale for me. Are you ready for this? I promise you that it is all for your own good and you'll like the smell of it, anyway!