New hire hair shave required

Wait, what is wrong? I hired you based on your application! You checked all the boxes about complying with the workplace rules. This is a fem run company, and as your boss, you will be required to have a haircut or shave each and every Tuesday! Relax while Jennifer starts buzzing! If you don't hold still you will become a huge mess. If I find your thinning or balding under that mop, I will send you to the mailroom or even janitorial services. I laugh at you, and the trauma you must feel.