My lockdown arse will squash you flat

Well well it has been quite the year hasn't it? I've been stuck indoors for a lot of it and I I have had to do is eat snacks and enjoy myself... I've been an enby of leisure! It's had quite the effect on my figure, you know the saying, "A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!"? Well it indeed seems to be true, look at how big my glorious bottom is getting! I think you should lie down on the floor and then you can get the best view possible... As I squash you flat!