10 reasons I'm dumping you for my vibrator

This is a good vibes-only kind of household, and you're bringing the vibe down. Honestly, you're just not all that good at sex, and I get that you don't understand that, so I'm going to be kind, I'm going to give you ten, fully detailed reasons why I'm dumping you, my boyfriend for my vastly superior high powered, twelve-speed vibrator and maybe as a bonus you'll finally get to see my real O face!